Losing a parent is never
easy. I lost my dad a few weeks ago. Accepting the truth that he was no more
was a hard pill to swallow. Recently, I started getting emotional about him all
of a sudden, including in my dreams. A month ago, he was admitted in the
hospital with blocks in his brain. I didn’t expect that 23rd
December would be the last time that I would hear his voice. I struggled with a
lot of emotions ranging from hatred to anxiety. We all hoped for his recovery. On
December 25th, a lot of people were praying for him. Many came to
the hospital and prayed for him. I had never been so desperate for God till that
moment when the doctor said that he was brain dead. I went to the restroom and
I knelt there and cried and pleaded with God to heal my dad. All I wanted was
God to be a way maker, a miracle worker. But God took my dad away from me. Every
room in the house reminds me of him. Every holiday reminds me of the memories
with him. Every time I sing, I try to imagine him playing the keyboard. I had
so many plans about the future with my dad. We used to hold hands and practice
how we would walk down the aisle on my wedding day. Knowing that he can no longer
hold my hand was hard to accept.
Nothing in life
can prepare us for the death of a loved one. Whether death results from a
sudden accident or a sustained illness, it always catches us off-guard. With
every death, there is a loss. And with every loss, there will be grief. Our society tells us to take a few
days, weeks perhaps, to grieve, but don’t stay there too long. Grieving can
make those around us uncomfortable. Friends sometimes don’t know what to do
with our pain. Loved one’s struggle to find adequate words to comfort our
aching wounds. Yet grief, as painful a season as it is, is a necessary part of
our healing. To run from grief is to run from the very thing that can quell the
pain of our loss. Grieving is the process God uses to bring us to a place of
wholeness.
When I go through something difficult, I
usually start by praying that God would fix the situation so that my suffering
would stop. In the past, when I felt that my prayers weren’t being answered my
way, I felt disappointed and turned to my own ways of escaping or bringing
myself comfort by some earthly means.
When I don’t get a job, I learn that my
security comes from God, not an employer. When my health fails, I learn that I
am not built to last in this form forever. My life disappointments become a way
to empathize and comfort others going through the same trials. Every loss, when
persevered through with faith, creates the opportunity to get more firmly
anchored in God’s providence. It is great when life is going well and I am sure
God designed us to enjoy our lives. However, seeking heaven on earth is not
part of the plan. Ultimately, we need the process of grief to prepare for the
next life.
In the midst of the chaos that is inevitable after the death of my dad,
the only thing that I am certain about is the consistency of God. I never knew
that this wave of grief would take over me. Loss is never easy, but love will
always remain. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, God’s love is. So, wherever you find
yourself today and whatever tragedies may come your way, you can rest in the
truth that God’s love will never change or go away. The void left by the loss
of a loved one can only be filled by Jesus.
Matthew 11:28 says “Come to me, all you
who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
