Getting through grief

Losing a parent is never easy. I lost my dad a few weeks ago. Accepting the truth that he was no more was a hard pill to swallow. Recently, I started getting emotional about him all of a sudden, including in my dreams. A month ago, he was admitted in the hospital with blocks in his brain. I didn’t expect that 23^rd December would be the last time that I would hear his voice. I struggled with a lot of emotions ranging from hatred to anxiety. We all hoped for his recovery. On December 25^th, a lot of people were praying for him. Many came to the hospital and prayed for him. I had never been so desperate for God till that moment when the doctor said that he was brain dead. I went to the restroom and I knelt there and cried and pleaded with God to heal my dad. All I wanted was God to be a way maker, a miracle worker. But God took my dad away from me. Every room in the house reminds me of him. Every holiday reminds me of the memories with him. Every time I sing, I try to imagine him playing the keyboard. I had so many plans about the future with my dad. We used to hold hands and practice how we would walk down the aisle on my wedding day. Knowing that he can no longer hold my hand was hard to accept.

Nothing in life can prepare us for the death of a loved one. Whether death results from a sudden accident or a sustained illness, it always catches us off-guard. With every death, there is a loss. And with every loss, there will be grief. Our society tells us to take a few days, weeks perhaps, to grieve, but don’t stay there too long. Grieving can make those around us uncomfortable. Friends sometimes don’t know what to do with our pain. Loved one’s struggle to find adequate words to comfort our aching wounds. Yet grief, as painful a season as it is, is a necessary part of our healing. To run from grief is to run from the very thing that can quell the pain of our loss. Grieving is the process God uses to bring us to a place of wholeness.

When I go through something difficult, I usually start by praying that God would fix the situation so that my suffering would stop. In the past, when I felt that my prayers weren’t being answered my way, I felt disappointed and turned to my own ways of escaping or bringing myself comfort by some earthly means.

When I don’t get a job, I learn that my security comes from God, not an employer. When my health fails, I learn that I am not built to last in this form forever. My life disappointments become a way to empathize and comfort others going through the same trials. Every loss, when persevered through with faith, creates the opportunity to get more firmly anchored in God’s providence. It is great when life is going well and I am sure God designed us to enjoy our lives. However, seeking heaven on earth is not part of the plan. Ultimately, we need the process of grief to prepare for the next life.

In the midst of the chaos that is inevitable after the death of my dad, the only thing that I am certain about is the consistency of God. I never knew that this wave of grief would take over me. Loss is never easy, but love will always remain. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, God’s love is. So, wherever you find yourself today and whatever tragedies may come your way, you can rest in the truth that God’s love will never change or go away. The void left by the loss of a loved one can only be filled by Jesus.

Matthew 11:28 says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

 

 

The Waiting Room

    After completing my Masters, just like every other student I was confused as to what to do next. I wanted to study medicine after my 12^th grade but God had a better plan for me. I tried to get into medicine for 2 years while I was pursuing my bachelor’s degree in Physics. Though I tried a lot, God didn’t open doors for me. I was disappointed, but I knew that it was for my own good. Once I completed my BSc. I wanted to do my higher studies in Medical Physics. But once again, that wasn’t what God had for me. He led me to the same place where I finished my UG. I didn’t want to study there because that place reminded me of my brokenness. I was an average student and I didn’t have a good UG grade. People have looked down on me and God was calling me to study in that same place. The 2 years of my PG life was really unimaginable. I could see God working on my behalf and lifting me up in front of those who looked down on me. When I had to choose the field of my MSc project, I was ready to choose anything except for Nanotechnology. Once again, God told me to do a project in the area of nano. He put people in my life who didn’t come by accident or coincidence. It was planned by God. I did my project and I never expected to get the highest mark in my Project. After March 2020, there was lockdown and my semester exam happened in September instead of April. While I was doing my MSc project, I didn’t decide what to do next like… if I should work or study further. I liked doing research and so I decided to pursue PhD. A friend of mine told me to apply for PhD in the university where I did my project. My project guide was the best, but somehow I wasn’t at peace about it. God told me not to apply. I felt like God wasn’t understanding my desires. I didn’t apply and I was obedient to HIM. Months passed by and I got a call from my project guide in October. In 2019, I had asked her for an opportunity to publish a research paper. She called me and asked me if I was interested to work on a paper. I published 2 research papers which was totally unexpected. During the process of waiting, I kept mailing a lot of professors. Most of them didn’t have any vacancy and some didn’t work in my area of research interest. It was a frustrating period because people kept demotivating me and kept saying negative things. I got a supervisor for my PhD just a week before the application was going to close. I knew that God wanted me to join that particular college and I didn’t know why. It was a long season of waiting. God finally fulfilled His promise and he made me get into PhD in a place where I knew that I wasn’t qualified to be in.

 

NO COMPROMISES

 

If you have to compromise your conviction or lower your standard to get into a relationship listen up, you will have to continue to compromise your conviction or lower your standard to keep that relationship. And if that's the case then it was not sent by God. Since I'm not married yet, I've heard a few telling me that my standards are too high and I have to compromise. My standards are set by God. God is not going to place standards and convictions in my heart for my future husband that he is not going to obtain and I'm not married yet, because it's not my time. Some of you aren't married yet, it's simply because it's not your time. God sets the time for everything. Everything has a season, a pre-destined time. God places desires in your heart. It doesn't mean that HE gives you everything that you want, but He places His heart in yours so that you'll begin desiring what He has for you. If you would've asked me what I wanted in a husband 3 years ago, my answer would have been different from what I would say today. Because not only have I grown more in Christ but also my priorities have changed. If you are going to lower your standard, you will be miserable. So many people say " I want to be married" but that is not true because you want to be "HAPPILY MARRIED". Some people are miserable, lonely and unhappy in their marriage because they didn't wait on the Lord. If you are not willing to wait on God don't blame him for the mess that you put yourself in. The word of God says this : Don't let man separate what God joined together. What about the relationships that God didn't join together? And then, we sit and pray,"God fix him/her, God change this thing" But God said "I didn't put you in that relationship , You refused to wait on Me. You lowered your standards, you didn't trust Me".

Trust the Lord and wait on Him. He will bring the right person into your life at the perfect time. And never lower your standard to be in a relationship.

FOCUS

    Let me talk about someone from the Old Testament. Being the first woman on Earth, Eve had it all. God blessed her with almost everything in the garden. But Satan tempted her with the one thing that was forbidden to her. The garden was filled with delicious fruits but Eve focused on the one fruit that she couldn't have rather than thanking God for the many things that were freely available to her. This negative focus darkened her mind and she disobeyed God.

    Recently, I fought with a friend and I was reminded of how things used to be between us during the lock-down in 2020. I had spent a lot of time with my family and friends and I never thanked God for renewing my relationship with people. It was difficult staying at home for 6 months. Looking back God actually blessed me so much in ways that I never thought that He'd work. I wanted to get a new mobile and that particular model always sold-off quickly during the online sale. I waited for about 10 months for it. At one point I lost interest and I didn't want to get that mobile. I completed my PG and I was at home not knowing what to do next and I felt guilty to ask my parents for a new phone since financially it was rough for everyone. I forgot about it and one day my mom asked me to order the mobile that I wanted. To be honest, I didn't expect it and I bought a laptop along with the mobile. When I stopped focusing on what I didn't have and thanked Him for who He is to me, God blessed me with a double portion.

    When you focus on what you don't have or situations that displease you, your mind also becomes darkened. You take for granted life, sunshine, relationships and countless other gifts from God. Focus on the Lord and keep thanking Him for all that you have.

This is one of my favourite songs which says that we ought to FOCUS on Jesus :

Every now and then I get to feelin' down
Get to wallowin' and fall up and just run around
Same place, same story, would I ever've changed, ooh
Same grace, same glory, never been about you to begin with
No one is sinless, that's why He sent his son, the One and Only
To die in the place of the lost and lonely
Now that he's raised, sayin' "focus on Me"

IDENTITY CRISIS

I would like to share a real life incident. But before that I just want my readers to be aware of the fact that I got permission from the person associated with it before posting this in my Blog.

I came across a girl who was very charming, caring and God-fearing. In fact, I used to envy her because she was so talented and was loved by many. We became close and one day she told me about her past. She never seemed to be the type who would undergo depression.  She was physically abused when she was young. And it wasn't just once but on several occasions she was forced to have a physical relationship. This is what she told me : " Flora, back then, I just wanted to kill myself. I didn't know what was happening but all I felt was that guilt and disgust. I lost my trust in men and I felt like I had absolutely no reason to live. But I wasn't brave enough to kill myself either. People only valued me for what I had. Am I worthless? Am I unlovable? Am I not pretty enough? Is this all I deserve?."

On hearing this, tears rolled down and I couldn't reply to her immediately. I was trying to put myself in her place. What would I have done if I were her? I think I would have had such suicidal thoughts too.

After a few days, I spoke to her and this is what I told her :

" What makes you think that you are worthless? Did you know that God designed every detail of YOU with perfection? God loves you so much and HE wants you to share your story and give hope to other young women who are facing the same situation today. You went through this for a reason and it will be used for HIS glory. Don't ever look down on yourself because God didn't give up on you. You always had God by your side, but...you never needed God and you lived your life that way. It's not too late to let Him heal your past."

For her, it was child abuse. She thought that she had lost her identity because of what happened to her. There are times when we are forced to doubt our Identity. We rely on people's validation. 'What will they say?', 'Will they applaud if I do this?', 'What will they think of me?'...Have you ever had such thoughts?

It's just natural for us to think like this. Our IDENTITY comes from JESUS CHRIST. This world might give you different labels but that will not define who you are in Christ.

She said . . . . .

It was a pleasant evening and I was just waiting near the entrance for the bell to ring so that the gate would be opened and I could go home. I was in my first year of PG and I still remember that day when I was sitting with a blank face with absolutely nothing going on in my head. As I was sitting on a stone bench, an unknown girl walked towards me and sat next to me. Since I'm the type who easily gets along with people , we started having a normal conversation. She was a believer and she was talking about her experience in college. We spoke for about 10 minutes and then she got up and she looked at me in the eye and said :"Hey, Jesus Loves You". For a moment I didn't know how to respond to her. I knew that Jesus loved me and I've always heard people preaching about it, but this time it was different. I felt it deep inside. I felt like the Lord wanted me to hear it. I don't know what you are going through right now but what I know and what I can boldly tell you if you are reading this is that "Jesus loves You".

Dr. Scott Fenton -
"I remember that night in 1974
In December in the Arbuckle mountains,
At the bus celebrating winning the state championship.
That was the first time I got it: Jesus loves me!
And when I got that, that He loved me like that, it changed my life
I mean, it changed the direction of my life...
The purpose of my life, the fabric of my life...
Everything changed when I realized how Jesus loved me"

WHY DOES GOD ALLOW PAIN?

"Why do I have to go through this?",  I know that most of you would have asked yourself this question at least once.

"Does God really care about how I feel and what I'm going through?"

"If HE really loves me, HE wouldn't let me suffer so much!"

"Why isn't HE changing the situation?"

"Does HE not hear my cry?"

I had days when I questioned God with all these questions. I wanted God to give me the answers that I wanted to hear and not what HE wanted to say.

Here are a few reason why God allows pain to prevail in our life. 

1.HE reminds us that only HE can control what's happening and we are just mere humans who don't have control over anything.

2.God sees beyond what our human mind can never fathom. So, HE sometimes uses our circumstances   to draw us closer to HIM.

3.When we make bad choices, HE disciplines us in order to bring us back to HIM.

4.God allows suffering to make us aware of our sinful nature.

5.When things get tough we tend to isolate ourself from people. It is during these tough times that we reach out to God. HE makes us solely depend on HIM and reminds us that we can't do anything on our own. We need God.

You might say, "No, he can't bring good out of my circumstance. The harm was too great, the damage was too extreme, the depth of my suffering has been too much."

But if you doubt God's promise, listen to what a wise man once said to me: "God took the very worst thing that has ever happened in the history of the universe— the death of Jesus on the cross—and turned it into the very best thing that has happened in history of universe: the opening up of heaven to all who follow him." 

If God can take the very worst circumstance imaginable and turn it into the very best situation possible, can he not take the negative circumstances of your life and create something good from them?